Managing and Working with People You Don't Like

[KristineS]

Have you ever managed or worked with someone who is good at their job, but just rubs you the wrong way? Maybe their work style is radically different from yours, or maybe their opinions or beliefs oppose everything that you think and believe. Sometimes it's the way they express themselves or how they interact. Could be anything really, but there's just something that makes working with them unpleasant. How do you handle those situations? Do you ignore the bad stuff if they do their primary job well? If you're a manager, do you ignore the behavior that annoys co-workers, even if they complain, if that same behavior isn't extended to you? If you're the co-worker, do you contemplate murder every day in your mind, but realize there's really nothing you can do and accept that a certain level of unpleasantness is going to be part of your life?

I realize it's different if you're a manager rather than a co-worker, but I think it's a common problem. How do the rest of you deal with it?

(And yes, Vangogh, before you ask, you know exactly who prompted this thread. :p)

[novaera]

I've had this experience, co-manager, and my approach was always "well i'm just here to work." But that changes when it starts to affect the quality of work from the employees or other co-workers. I've always been big on constructive criticism, so my approach was to pull my co-manager aside and let him know that his personality came on a little too aggressive to some people (didn't specify of course) but the key to this is paying a major compliment before and after Ex: I love how direct you are but you know some people might take that the wrong way, if i were you i'd just approach people a little less aggressively so they don't take it the wrong way cause you're a great person to us who know you, but it might rub someone else the wrong way.

However if this isn't affecting employees and its just something insignificant like you don't like someone's accent, just ignore it really.. remember to keep your eyes on the bigger fish!

[KristineS]

I've had this experience, co-manager, and my approach was always "well i'm just here to work." But that changes when it starts to affect the quality of work from the employees or other co-workers. I've always been big on constructive criticism, so my approach was to pull my co-manager aside and let him know that his personality came on a little too aggressive to some people (didn't specify of course) but the key to this is paying a major compliment before and after Ex: I love how direct you are but you know some people might take that the wrong way, if i were you i'd just approach people a little less aggressively so they don't take it the wrong way cause you're a great person to us who know you, but it might rub someone else the wrong way.

However if this isn't affecting employees and its just something insignificant like you don't like someone's accent, just ignore it really.. remember to keep your eyes on the bigger fish!

Good advice It's true, that sometimes the annoyance is minor, and it should just be ignored. I like the idea of constructive criticism too, if the other person is open to hearing it and accepting it.

[Harold Mansfield]

i actually LOVE this question for many reasons.

First of all the notion that we have to personally like everyone is an impossible standard. I'm reminded of John Stewart's anecdote during his 2008 rally in Washington on grid lock in Congress. Millions of Americans go to work everyday and work with people they don't like and manage to do their jobs. On the freeway, we can't all get our way. In grid lock, we let someone go, and then someone lets us go. You go. I go. We repeat that process until we all get though because we ALL have somewhere important to go.

Of course I've worked with people, employees, managers, and customers/clients who I didn't personally care for and still do. But you have to ask yourself is it really them? Or is it you? Do they make off color remarks, act unprofessionally, disrespectful, or do anything that affects the bottom line, productivity or the environment of others that makes it difficult for them to do their jobs? If so, those are real things that can be used to have a talk with them, punish them, retrain them, or just get rid of them.

As a former waiter, bartender and limo driver I've served more than my fair share of people that I don't care for. Buy my job isn't to like them, it's to serve them. Treat them with respect. Treat everyone the same and provide the service that they pay for.

Is it fair that I fire a bartender because he dated my old girlfriend? Of course not.
Is it fair that I throw someone out of my limo and toss their luggage at them in the middle of the strip for calling me an off color name? Absolutely! Get out!

So I always ask myself, is it them..or is it me? Maybe they just remind me of someone I don't like.

Now, that being said, if you're the boss you can do anything you want. I'd rather it be for something tangible with good reason, but in the real world that's not the case. I've been fired for being black, not being a woman, being too old, for knowing more than the owner, and all kinds of petty reasons. I've also deserved it quite a few times just because I can be a jerk when I feel like I'm justified. This is one of the reasons why I work for myself.

So to answer..are they really doing anything that is out of line? Or is it just you and they just aren't your kind of people? If it's clearly them and they are just jerks, get rid of them. But if they aren't doing anything wrong to you, others, or against company policy and they come to work everyday, and give 100%, I say maybe try a little harder to make a connection so that working with them is a little more tolerable.

If that doesn't work and you still just can't stand them...you're the boss. Period. Unless it's union you're under no obligation to keep anyone that is not a good fit for the company and you don't need a reason.

[Bizgirl]

I've come across this a few times now. I let go of a girl who was doing outside work for me and just rubbed me the wrong way. It went beyond her odd personality. I felt like she was trying to constantly add hours for everything and I wasn't into someone lying to me. If it hadn't been for that, she was just plain weird and I don't think she would have been right working in my retail store either.

I currently have a woman whose personality is absolutely driving me crazy. I look for people who are go-getters, who can see when things need to get done and don't stand around waiting to be told what to do. My husband feels I should give her a chance and maybe work with her some more. But, I'm not certain she has the personality and abilities to do the job I need her to do. She was a last minute hire to fill in a spot where I needed some coverage. Rule #1...never hire someone because you are worried, desperate, etc. She really doesn't have what I need, but I figured she'd do. So, now I need to decide to talk with her and see if she can do what I need her to, or let her go and search for the right person.

[Fulcrum]

I look for people who are go-getters, who can see when things need to get done and don't stand around waiting to be told what to do.

This can be a very difficult trait to find in a new hire. Especially when they are very new to the business or even the workforce. It's been my experience that you need to pay more than a bare minimum, make sure that every hire knows what is expected and that half-assing it isn't acceptable.

You also need to train this mentality into them. Want a raise? Prove to me where you've earned it? Bring lattes and croissants into the shop? I'll have your final check ready before you take off your coat:p.

One of my biggest pet peeves with employees is them not knowing how to properly sweep a floor. I don't ask for white glove cleanliness (I don't think it can be achieved in a grind shop) but brush marks in the dirt on the floor after the job is done is unacceptable.

[Krystsina]

I had a team member a few years ago that was doing a really great job, but I couldn't work properly with her as she was too arrogant. That's why after we completed our project, it was the last time I saw her.

Now I'm a business owner, and I have a manager that seems to be working only because of good payment. I tried to change her attitude to work, but couldn't manage it. That's why I'm planning to replace her with someone else who will love her job more.

[tdavid88]

As a manager there are always good and bad things in your employees at the end no one is perfect and people would always find negative things in others.

I always compare the good habits/behaviors of that employee on the scale against the bad/negative habits/behaviors and off course I have my red lines and princeples that no matter who is the employee if they cross them too many times then they won't work for us...

[nealrm]

I would have to say that a team has to respect each other, but not necessary like each other. There is also a difference between not liking someone and disliking someone. The latter being a state where you don't want to be around an individual and the former being just neutral. In a small group, having individuals that dislike each other can quickly erode the team dynamics. If you are not happy in your work environment, it will show in your work.