handprop
12-11-2009, 12:41 AM
I think I owe an apology to all you folks here. Bill made a comment about tearing people down to make myself better or something to that effect anyhow, and that really blew me away, I think mostly because I have never been told that before.
I have always taken great pride in the fact that I respect everybody and I have always been shown great respect back to me. After an unusual evening I looked back at the last few months of my life and realized I have really become a different person. I’m not a real emotional type person but after reading some of my posts here on the forum I think I owe all of you an explanation because I think he is right.
I have a great family, in fact I wouldn’t change a thing, I have really been blessed. After experiencing a few ups and downs in business over the years I somehow got real lucky and married the greatest wife I could ever imagine. When we decided to have a child it worked out like something in a story book, and I guess I always assumed that it would go on like this forever. Then, about a year ago my wife was diagnosed with MS and to be honest I always figured things would somehow be ok in the end. At first I couldn’t even tell she had it, but in the last few months it started to show and I began to notice the changes and the decline in my wife’s health. I’ve always considered myself pretty tough but the hardest thing for me was knowing my wife and I would someday have to explain to our daughter what was happening to her mom and it still haunts me.
Tonight my daughter had a Christmas play at her school and my wife just couldn’t go. It was painful for her to come to grips with the fact that those days are over and for me I saw this coming but kind of thought I had more time. For our daughter she was just really confused and I think it’s time to just tell her what’s going on.
It was hard for me tonight to go with all the families to see the kids and I had to go alone. I guess in a way this evening represented a milestone in the crisis we have and maybe I was in some type of denial or something. Anyhow, I had a really bad day.
As I look back in the last few months I think I have become a very different person. With all this stuff in the back of my mind I somehow ended up out of character and became bitter. It’s crazy really because I’m a real bubbly type person but now I think that side of me has really faded away. I have an anger in me, and I think it’s because I have spent my whole life following the rules, helping people, and trying to be the best person I can, and **** like this happens to me. I had it perfect for a while and now it’s all coming to an end and I just don’t understand it.
I have seen people in life do really bad things, I see it on the news every day. It just seems like they always get away with it and I am pissed about it. Then a guy like me works hard my whole life to always try and do the right thing and follow all the rules to a T and I get **** on, and my daughter is really getting the brunt of it. All I every wanted was for her to have a great childhood and now that seems to be fading away also. Part of my frustration comes from the fact that looking forward I’m not sure I can be the person I need to when times get really bad and they need me to be on my best. I have never been confused about a dam thing my whole life, but now, for the first time, I just don’t have a clue.
This evening as I thought things through I realized that I have been so stressed out over everything my hart has hardened and I have not treated people with the respect the deserve. I guess were all in this world together and to expect a perfect life is unrealistic.
I apologize from the bottom of my hart to any of you who I made rude and inappropriate comments to, I meant no harm and I am embarrassed to think I have caused anyone to be upset, it’s completely out of character for me and I am sorry, I have no good excuse. It was my fault and I take full responsibility for it, I have no right to inflict my own problems on others when you are all here to learn and have good conversation.
Spider, I treated you unfairly and I hope you can forgive me.
Bill, I do own the airplane, in fact, I own several. But let me tell you, when looking at my life they don’t mean anything. When I fly, my wife can no longer go with me and because of that flying for me has lost its appeal. I would happily give it all away if it meant having a wife with great health. Many times I drive by the airport and don’t want to fly because I feel guilty and ashamed. All this stuff means nothing, nothing at all! I am sorry for how I treated you as well.
I’m gonna step away from the forum and a few other things in life for a while, I really need it. I need to collect my thoughts and get ready for another round of life.
I wish all of you the very best
Mike
I have always taken great pride in the fact that I respect everybody and I have always been shown great respect back to me. After an unusual evening I looked back at the last few months of my life and realized I have really become a different person. I’m not a real emotional type person but after reading some of my posts here on the forum I think I owe all of you an explanation because I think he is right.
I have a great family, in fact I wouldn’t change a thing, I have really been blessed. After experiencing a few ups and downs in business over the years I somehow got real lucky and married the greatest wife I could ever imagine. When we decided to have a child it worked out like something in a story book, and I guess I always assumed that it would go on like this forever. Then, about a year ago my wife was diagnosed with MS and to be honest I always figured things would somehow be ok in the end. At first I couldn’t even tell she had it, but in the last few months it started to show and I began to notice the changes and the decline in my wife’s health. I’ve always considered myself pretty tough but the hardest thing for me was knowing my wife and I would someday have to explain to our daughter what was happening to her mom and it still haunts me.
Tonight my daughter had a Christmas play at her school and my wife just couldn’t go. It was painful for her to come to grips with the fact that those days are over and for me I saw this coming but kind of thought I had more time. For our daughter she was just really confused and I think it’s time to just tell her what’s going on.
It was hard for me tonight to go with all the families to see the kids and I had to go alone. I guess in a way this evening represented a milestone in the crisis we have and maybe I was in some type of denial or something. Anyhow, I had a really bad day.
As I look back in the last few months I think I have become a very different person. With all this stuff in the back of my mind I somehow ended up out of character and became bitter. It’s crazy really because I’m a real bubbly type person but now I think that side of me has really faded away. I have an anger in me, and I think it’s because I have spent my whole life following the rules, helping people, and trying to be the best person I can, and **** like this happens to me. I had it perfect for a while and now it’s all coming to an end and I just don’t understand it.
I have seen people in life do really bad things, I see it on the news every day. It just seems like they always get away with it and I am pissed about it. Then a guy like me works hard my whole life to always try and do the right thing and follow all the rules to a T and I get **** on, and my daughter is really getting the brunt of it. All I every wanted was for her to have a great childhood and now that seems to be fading away also. Part of my frustration comes from the fact that looking forward I’m not sure I can be the person I need to when times get really bad and they need me to be on my best. I have never been confused about a dam thing my whole life, but now, for the first time, I just don’t have a clue.
This evening as I thought things through I realized that I have been so stressed out over everything my hart has hardened and I have not treated people with the respect the deserve. I guess were all in this world together and to expect a perfect life is unrealistic.
I apologize from the bottom of my hart to any of you who I made rude and inappropriate comments to, I meant no harm and I am embarrassed to think I have caused anyone to be upset, it’s completely out of character for me and I am sorry, I have no good excuse. It was my fault and I take full responsibility for it, I have no right to inflict my own problems on others when you are all here to learn and have good conversation.
Spider, I treated you unfairly and I hope you can forgive me.
Bill, I do own the airplane, in fact, I own several. But let me tell you, when looking at my life they don’t mean anything. When I fly, my wife can no longer go with me and because of that flying for me has lost its appeal. I would happily give it all away if it meant having a wife with great health. Many times I drive by the airport and don’t want to fly because I feel guilty and ashamed. All this stuff means nothing, nothing at all! I am sorry for how I treated you as well.
I’m gonna step away from the forum and a few other things in life for a while, I really need it. I need to collect my thoughts and get ready for another round of life.
I wish all of you the very best
Mike